God Save You From The Queen!

If I were Queen, I think the world could be a better place.

I'm not just talking the Queen who gets paid to sit around and wave.

I'm talking head chopping, ballroom dancing, law enforcing, crown jewels sporting- motha fucking Queen! Would this mainly be for my own personal adjenda and beliefs?

Fuck Yes.

But those of you who don't agree with me, well, I'll just behead you anyway. Muahahhhaahhahhh.

I would be a beheading machine.

Fear me. I would make Bloody Mary look like Strawberry Shortcake. (Minus the whole Catholic thing...)

I'd be more intimidating than Judi Dench as Elizabeth I (Minus that whole ugly thing...)

My first plan of action as Queen of Fucking Everything would be a little something like a "Stupid People Genocide".

Politics, wars, and terrorism?

Don't  worry your pretty little head about 'em, because once all of the said Stupid People have been wiped out...well, I don't think these things will be a problem.

To divert away from a political debate, I'm just going to leave you to decide what activists like Cindy Sheehan, and world leaders like Kim Jong II that I would behead.

We'll just stick with the Stupid civilians for now.

So, to begin with, I'd start with 2 different kinds of Stupid. Currently, the two strains of Stupidity that I would currently have executed are firstly, the:

College Educated, Statistic Spewing, 'Holier Than Thou', Asshole.

This type of Stupid likes to use 'big words' in every day conversation, not because it's a natural part of their vocabulary, but because they heard it on The West Wing the night before, and thought it would impress the masses. By the way, you don't sound smart, you sound like a self-righteous twat. Everyone can tell you're faking it! It'd be easier for you to to fake an orgasm than to try using the word 'Brobdingnagian' in sentence...Jackass. 

This person also likes to ramble off statistics in arguments, instead of articulating an actual rebuttal. Nothing pisses me off more than when people try to sound soooo fucking smart because they memorized The World Almanac.. If I ask you a math problem, or how many people were killed in a war, fine. But why don't you just fucking use your own  words and sentences to talk to me, instead of trying to cloud the actual argument with bits of possibly made up information.

 

This type of Stupid Person's general attitude that their high form of intelligence therefore makes them superior to all other beings, makes me want to puke. Having a high IQ, knowing statistics, graduating from college, or memorizing your SAT vocabulary words does not necessarily make you intelligent, or more likely to succeed in life.

Take this little diddy from the chapter entitled "When Smart is Dumb" from Daniel Goleman's book "Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ"

"Academic intelligence has little to do with emotional life...People with high IQ's can be stunningly poor pilots of their private lives...One of psychology's open secrets is the relative inability of grades, IQ, or SAT scores, despite their popular mystique, to predict uneeringly who will succeed in life...The link between test scores...is dwarfed by the totality of other characteristics that [one] brings to [their] life." (33-34).

I absolutely have nothing against people who want to want a higher education, go to medical or law school, have high IQs, or are earning their PhDs or a Master's Degree.

My problem lies with those who think that they are more intelligent, more successful, and are on the only possible correct life path. People can be correct, happy, intelligent, and successful without having a huge vocabulary, college degree, or high IQ.

OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!

Next up:

The Ass Kissing Twat.

This is a personal favorite. You more than likely know someone like this. That bitch in your office that back-stabs, and talks shit, but the boss loves her because she has her lips firmly planted on his dick ass at all times.

She's sugary sweet, and tries to be your best friend, but secretly wants you dead. She wants your boyfriend, your job title, your lunch, or even your soul. She seemingly has everyone fooled. (It is even worse if she has nice hair.)

 

When her bitchy intentions become accidentally revealed, she just smiles and says, "Oh, sorry babe, it wasn't intentional!" pats your head, and skips off into the sunset.

She gets away with murder by tricking everyone around her into think she's their new best friend, or friendly, reliable coworker, or a potential fuck buddy! She's a vile little thing. She's just a willowy, delightful, young girl...Why, she wouldn't hurt a fly!

But guess what sweetheart? I SEE YOU! I see your manipulation, your insecurities, and your faults. Why?

Because you're stupid -thats why!

You become whatever anybody wants you to be, so that everyone will like you. You have no passions, so you like what every one else does. You lose your self-respect by flirting and shagging everyone male in sight so you can climb up the social, and corporate ladder. And, sorry, that's not 'using what you got'. That's being a slag.

That's not having a mind of your own. That's being a STUPID GIRL.

And yes, everyone around you is equally stupid for buying into your bullshit...So guess what?

OFF WITH EVERYBODY'S HEAD!

Next up: Pigeon feeders, girls who wear multi-colored ankle boots, and the group of women  in the pub I went to last night that were knitting and drinking orange juice, with no vodka. If you're knitting in a pub, please, please be drinking vodka.

They frightened me to my very core. Did they not read my last post?

Do they not understand how fragile I am right now????!