I never know how to start these "end of the year" style blog posts without sounding like a complete prat, but as there's approximately one billion other blog posts along the same lines being published right at this very moment, I'm just going to say it:
2011 was a good year.
And when I think about all of the places I've been and things I've done (and eaten), I would argue that it was a brilliant year. I did a lot of proper thinking, as well as a lot of proper action, this year, which has made all of the difference.
From running, to personal training sessions, to singing lessons, to asking for help and putting my neck on the line in business meetings, I've physically done many things that have caused me to nearly do a number two in my pants. And I've learned that it's those moments, the fight or flight moments that make you feel like you're actually living, actually doing, actually growing. Human beings are not caterpillars who can sit in a warm cocoon doing fuck-all and then suddenly blossom into a mighty butterfly. We need to actually do things in order to fly.
But, in addition to existential conversations with myself, I've also learned quite a few things about looking after yourself. These are things you will have heard about before, or no doubt your mother or Oprah have said, but I'm starting to see the benefits in them.
The little things that make a big difference
1) Buy yourself matching underwear
As someone who regularly purchased those multi-pack Hanes Her Way sets of undies that are flowered or covered in some hideous print, I've learned how wonderful it is to own multiple sets of matching underwear and bras. It's not cheap, but it also doesn't have to be extremely expensive.
I'm a huge fan of both Freya and Bravissimo. From the slutty to the sensible, they both have underwear that fits, flatters, and will make you feel gorgeous. Yes, confidence should come from within, but I'm sure even the most confident women in the world would agree with me on this. As if Michelle Obama wears saggy-assed cotton knickers and mismatching, unwashed bras around the White House . Please.
2) Be as camp as you want to be
If you want to wear false eyelashes to the grocery store on a Tuesday, do it. Fancy wearing your favourite dress to a non-important business meeting? Do it. I've always spent way too much time worrying about looking "just right" for certain things. I'd rather be too much than not enough, so I've decided that if I want to wear my scrubby jeans and hiking boots to Starbucks with no-makeup on the weekend I will, and if I want to spend two hours getting ready just to go out to dinner with my in-laws, then I will. Wear what and look how you want to, not because of other people's supposed expectations or what you think everything is thinking about you.
3) Get active in a way you enjoy
The term "go to the gym" or "go for a run" will strike fear into many a woman. This is mostly because both are misrepresented. I've made friends with both, and going to the gym does not have to be a pain in the ass. Neither does exercise. Being active is SO IMPORTANT and it's something that is so often overlooked or made to look like you need to run 5 miles every day in order to be fit.
Before you Weight Watchers or diet or cut out carbs or go on a three week juice detox, have a think about the last time you did proper exercise. I'm talking 20 minutes of cardio, stretching, yoga, boxing, speed walking whatever. If you're not engaging your body with both cardio and other bits and pieces I don't think you're looking after yourself properly, no matter how many vegetables you eat. Your body is your vessel, do you really think it's going to do and look how you want it to if you starve it? If you feel fat, start eating better, cut back the takeaways and get some excercise. Stop whinging about it. Sweat for a bit, eat some damn veg and don't drink so much, mmmkay?
4) Greed is sexy
I'm not talking Wall Street greed, but food greed. The Nigella issue of Stylist struck such a chord with me, not only because threw me back in love with Nigella, but introduced me to Elizabeth Robins Pennell's A Guide for The Greedy By A Greedy Woman. While I do not have a copy of it myself, Jeanette Winterston's article about greed in Stylist has actually helped transform the way I think about food, the body, etc. Just read this:
"Greedy is not the same as self-stuffed, which is just as bad as self-starved. You have to love food in all its glory to be greedy. And that means some days you might not eat at all if what is on offer is horrible. I have travelled and preferred to go hungry for a day, knowing I could get home and sleep a short night in the certainty of a home-cooked breakfast of my own eggs, and bacon from a pig I used to know."
My husband knows I turn into a beast when I've not eaten, but nothing upsets me more than becoming full from a meal I did not enjoy. I become overwhelmed with sadness when I do not know what I fancy eating. I used to think I just had "food issues", but now I realize that I simply love food, and that my "issue" is that I'm greedy.
5) Do not apologize
Sara Benincasa recently wrote a fantastic piece for Jezebel called "I Am So Not Sorry About My Vagina", which is a collection of all the ridiculous things women have apologized for. I apologize when I run into someone, but I also have found myself apologizing and feeling guilty for being ME. Too funny, too fat, too beautiful, too hungry, too ambitious, too emotional, too spotty, too professional - everything about me at one point I have found to be "too" something, and therefore wrong and in need of begging forgiveness for. I am sorry for having the nerve to exist as I do.
I've apologized and felt guilty for my body too long. My ambition for too long. For mistakes, for anger, for feeling, for sadness, for happiness, for luck, for hard work, for everything. I've apologized for being hungover. I mean, really?!
Of course it will take a long time to break the habit of apologizing unnecessarily, but I've stopped carrying around that huge amount GUILT that makes me feel like I need to apologize to begin with. It sneaks up on me sometimes. But I'm not going to apologize for other people being bad friends, un-supportive, or just plain rude. That's just ridiculous.
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